Have you heard about the latest craze at kids’ birthday parties? It seems that some parents are ditching balloons altogether. It’s not because balloons can be a choking hazard or because kids love inhaling helium. Surprisingly, it’s not even because balloons aren’t great for the environment. Believe it or not, these parents are banning balloons to spare their children the heartbreak of a popped or lost balloon.
Lawnmower parenting, the act of trying to prevent any sort of distress or unpleasantness from affecting our children, has gained traction in recent times. The notion of shielding our kids from heartbreak or even minor inconveniences, such as a burst balloon, might appear well-intentioned and compassionate. However, according to parenting expert Dr. Deborah Gilboa, this approach does more harm than good. Dr. Gilboa, the founder of Ask Doctor G and author of “Teach Resilience – Raising Kids Who Can Launch,” contends that by removing obstacles and challenges before our children encounter them, we deny them the opportunity to develop crucial life skills. It is vital to allow our children to experience and cope with difficulties, promoting their resilience and teaching them how to face and overcome obstacles head-on.
According to her, children can develop resilience by experiencing a multitude of balloon pops that teach them how to handle both minor and major discomfort. This process helps them build the ability to bounce back from challenging situations. Imagine balloons popping all around you, representing the bumps and challenges that life throws your way. By confronting these bursts, children become better equipped to face difficulties with greater strength and adaptability. So, it’s like learning to navigate through the bursts of balloons, embracing the unexpected and developing the skills necessary to overcome obstacles with ease.
Lawnmower parenting, also known as snowplow or bulldozer parenting, is a term used to describe parents who go to great lengths to eliminate any obstacles or challenges that their children may encounter. They proactively remove or fix any bumps in the road, whether it be something as minor as a popped balloon or as significant as a failed exam. The underlying belief is that by clearing the path, their children can move forward effortlessly without facing any real hardships, disappointments, or discomforts.
Let’s get one thing straight: lawnmower parenting is not the same as helicopter parenting. Helicopter parents are constantly worrying and trying to control every aspect of their kids’ lives, always on the lookout for potential dangers. On the other hand, lawnmower parents take a proactive approach, ensuring that obstacles are cleared out of their children’s paths. They don’t just protect their kids from harm; they actively pave the way for their success. Instead of preparing their kids for the challenges of the world, lawnmower parents prefer to tackle those challenges themselves. While helicopter parents are all about prevention, lawnmower parents are all about removal.
When parents engage in lawnmower parenting, their good intentions may not always have the desired outcome for their children. By constantly swooping in to solve any discomfort or challenges, children miss out on crucial opportunities to develop resilience and problem-solving skills. This can leave them ill-equipped to handle their own struggles when parents are no longer there to assist, such as during sleepovers or in college. It is important for parents to strike a balance between offering support and allowing their children to face and overcome difficulties on their own.
According to Dr. Gilboa, kids who have been raised by lawnmower parents struggle with handling difficult emotions because they were never given the chance to learn from challenging experiences. These children are delayed in their ability to effectively deal with discomfort, disappointment, and pain. The lack of opportunities to face and overcome stressful situations has left them without proper coping strategies. Instead of helping their children build resilience, lawnmower parents have shielded them from any form of adversity. Consequently, these kids lack the necessary skills to manage stress and navigate through challenging times in a healthy and productive way.
It’s a real shame, but lawnmower parenting is not doing children any favors when it comes to understanding how life works. Instead of teaching them the important lesson that life isn’t always fair, lawnmower parents shield their children from any kind of discomfort. The problem is that when these kids grow up and face challenges, their parents won’t be there to save them. Teachers, coaches, and other authority figures won’t be able to step in either, as lawnmower parenting has left these kids ill-equipped to handle adversity on their own.
Gilboa expresses the idea of challenging people’s preconceived notions and shaking things up. According to him, it is counterproductive to protect our children from difficulty by removing all obstacles in their path, as this could lead to a sense of betrayal in the future. Gilboa urges us to consider the potential negative consequences of this approach and suggests that allowing our kids to face challenges and overcome them on their own is a more beneficial approach.
Parents who employ this parenting method also face negative consequences because they must witness their children experiencing discomfort in order to establish a sense of physical and emotional separation. According to Gilboa, it is crucial for parents to be able to handle situations where their child is upset, such as when they cry over a burst balloon. Nevertheless, numerous parents with grown-up kids struggle with being more content than their unhappiest child.
Even after the phase of balloon-free parties has faded, there persists a trend of lawnmower parents who strive to shield their children from any form of disappointment, especially in school. In fact, their involvement in their child’s college life and academics has transcended the traditional boundaries of simply helping them settle in their dorm rooms. It’s as if these parents are determined to navigate every obstacle in their child’s path, leaving no room for valuable learning experiences.
Dr. Greg Brooking, an Atlanta-based educator and coach with over two decades of experience, shares that he embraced secondary education once again approximately five years ago, only to find an increasing prevalence of helicopter parents along with a notable presence of lawnmower parents. This trend has caught his attention both in terms of athletics and academics. Dr. Brooking highlights that parents today have become unable to assign any responsibility to their children and fail to comprehend that their kids do not inherently deserve to secure a spot in the starting lineup. These observations highlight a shift in parenting styles and expectations, indicating the need for a more balanced approach that nurtures independence and accountability in students.
When these parents don’t get what they want from the teacher, they move on.
According to Brooking, these parents have no qualms about approaching administrators or athletic directors to voice their “concerns.” As an educator, it’s disheartening to witness these patterns, as they necessitate the use of extra psychological abilities when interacting with both parents and their offspring. Moreover, the children of these parents have become adept at maneuvering classroom situations, fully aware that their conniving tactics might enable them to exert less effort than their peers, solely because their parents can stir up enough trouble to make teachers feel uneasy.
According to Elizabeth Clark, a seasoned high school teacher from Atlanta, there has been a noticeable shift in certain schools towards prioritizing growth. In fact, these schools are now placing emphasis on continuous improvement, so much so that the initial grades given on early assessments can be adjusted based on the student’s consistent progress throughout the entire course. This highlights an important departure from the traditional approach to grading, as students are now being acknowledged for their ongoing development rather than solely focusing on their starting point. As an experienced educator, Clark’s insights shed light on this evolving educational trend.
According to her, when dealing with parents who always seek quick solutions, making adjustments to initial grades can be an effective way to appease them. However, she also acknowledges the importance of teaching parents to allow their children to take responsibility for their actions and lack of initiative. She often emphasizes the necessity of letting a child experience failure because of their lack of effort. In her opinion, this lesson serves as one of the most valuable experiences a parent can provide for their child. It is crucial for children to understand the consequences of their actions and to learn from their mistakes. When a child fails to seize opportunities for improvement, they need to face the consequences so that they can make better decisions in the future. This valuable lesson is compromised when parents intervene to fix the problem or when teachers inflate grades without merit.
When it comes to the valuable lessons of life, failure takes a front and center position. However, some parents who adopt the “lawnmower” approach tend to misconstrue uncomfortable situations as inherently damaging. This approach fails to recognize the essential role that adversity plays in personal growth and development. Instead of allowing their children to face challenges and learn from the experience, lawnmower parents try to clear the path ahead, removing any potential obstacles or difficulties. In doing so, they unintentionally hinder their children’s development by depriving them of the opportunity to learn important life lessons. It is crucial for parents to understand that overcoming obstacles is an integral part of personal growth, and shielding their children from discomfort may ultimately stunt their ability to handle adversity in the future.
According to Gilboa, our youngest generation now equates discomfort with being unsafe, which is a significant shift. Parents have grown fearful of stress and have inadvertently convinced children that stress is always negative. Nonetheless, Gilboa clarifies that stress is akin to exercising a muscle when it comes to building resilience. It is through confronting and handling stress that one develops resilience.
According to her, learning only happens when we find ourselves in uncomfortable situations. If children are not given the opportunities to develop coping mechanisms, they will grow up into adults who have to go against societal norms in order to progress. This is crucial in shaping the future course of the upcoming generation.
It’s important for parents to distinguish between situations that make their child feel uncomfortable versus unsafe. If a problem isn’t going to cause any lasting harm, it’s okay to let the child figure out a solution on their own. Even if you’ve been an overly protective parent in the past, it’s never too late to make a change. Take the time to explain to your child that you’re going to approach things differently from now on. To get them on board, you can tell them that you’ve realized you’ve been treating them as if they were much younger, which most kids would find pretty terrifying.
Imagine if your child’s environment is dominated by what we call “lawnmower parents” – those overly protective parents who want to remove any obstacles in their child’s path. You, on the other hand, allow your child to experience the ups and downs of life, like having balloons at their party or being cut from the soccer team. It may seem like your child is at a disadvantage compared to those children whose parents clear their way effortlessly. But here’s the thing – if your ultimate goal is to see your child not just enter a top-notch college, but actually graduate from it, the children who had their paths smoothed by lawnmower parents won’t gain any long-term advantage over your child. In fact, by facing challenges head-on and learning resilience along the way, your child will be better equipped to thrive in the end.
Imagine a scenario where a child, known as a lawnmower child, lacks the ability to handle challenging situations. These children, just like a student who dropped out of college due to the overwhelming presence of sauce in the dining hall food, may struggle to achieve success on their own. Whether it’s a sauce-filled dish or a burst birthday balloon, it is through these small obstacles that our children learn to tackle the larger challenges that they will face as adults. It is essential for our kids to confront and overcome everyday difficulties, as they serve as valuable preparation for the future.
In March 2019, The New York Times conducted a survey involving 1,508 individuals aged 18 to 28, as well as 1,136 parents of individuals within the same age group. The purpose of this survey was to gain insights into the extent of parental involvement in the lives of their adult children. The results of the survey were quite intriguing. For instance, it was discovered that a staggering 76 percent of parents actively reminded their adult children about important deadlines. Additionally, 74 percent of parents still took charge of making appointments for their adult children, such as doctor’s appointments. Another surprising finding was that 16 percent of parents went as far as assisting in writing job or internship applications. Moreover, 15 percent of parents admitted to reaching out through calls or text messages to ensure their child didn’t oversleep and miss a class or test. Astonishingly, 11 percent confessed that they would even contact their child’s employer if any issues arose at work. Lastly, 8 percent of parents acknowledged having contacted their child’s professor or a college administrator to discuss their academic performance or grades at college. These findings shed light on the extent to which parents continue to play an active role in their adult children’s lives.